I need to V E N T

I knew my trip was going to face some challenges and let me tell you... it has!! Yes, many things have been wonderful but a lot has gone on in the last 48 hours!

Yesterday, I had my first day of work. I was under the impression that we were meeting patients at the hospital and talking with them to get to know their lifestyle. Well, we met HIV positive people but it was in a cafe; completely unorganized. We asked them questions about what life is like, how old they are, blah blah blah. They all answered the same and seemed to not need any help besides financial help. I know I seem very cold hearted right now but if you were there, you would have been beyond annoyed. Honestly, I didn't travel 10000 miles away to have someone tell me the obvious! We are supposed to be working with WOFATA which has been around for 4 years. They seek sick women and try to build their confidence in hopes that the women will eventually become public with their illness. Sounds great right? NOT. I know I sound so harsh but we were basically organizing all this crap to try and get them money. They didn't want our help other than that. It was so frustrating. The pieces just never fit and it really made me start wondering what I got myself into!!! We are willing to help the sick but not supply money and do all this work for them. It is like they just bounce from volunteer to volunteer to pay for their dinner that night. NOT what I signed up for...

So, we left the "meeting" being extremely frustrated. It is difficult when you put so much money, time, and effort into something and it is just not what you expected. Don't get me wrong, it was really interesting to speak to these women but they are healthy and seem to be perfectly well. They are extremely capable and could actually do something for themselves. I wouldn't mind helping them and teaching them how to fund raise or even help them make crafts and stuff but I am not just going to hand over money to buy their carrots that night; that is not fair.

Last night was tough. It was a mixture of being super homesick, tired, hot, and just uneasy. I thought about the situation way to much and just broke down. I wanted to come here to feel like i would make a difference and working with this particular group, i knew i would never accomplish that. There was so much more that just didn't fit.

Sleeping last night was such a blessing. Right after dinner marianne and I went straight to bed. We discussed what needed to happen and what we were going to say. I woke up with knots in my stomach!

Marianne was feeling sick this morning so it gave us an excuse to not go to work and repeat the same thing that happened previously. Instead, we called the head coordinator and called a meeting. I'm not gonna lie, speaking with 4 black men who barely speak English is very intimidating. However, I faced my first real challenge and succeeded! Marianne and i told them everything we were feeling. We told them that things dealing with this project need to change because no other volunteer should be placed here when there is clearly no organization. We approached the situation very professionally and they were more than accommodating! We told them that we want to help these women but not in this manner. I also said that i want to go to the orphanage on Monday and stop doing this project full time. It was actually a really awesome confrontation. Although it was really difficult, they were very appreciative because they want to make there program better. Now, we still get to help these women but only when we have free time. On Monday we are both going to Good Hope Orphanage. I can finally do what I came here to do but at the same time we changed this program to benefit everyone... it really was fascinating!

Something else really cool happened. Our host mom sews. We suggested that she should teach the woman of WOFATA to sew so t hey could meet for support groups while doing an activity. This morning she came home and told us that she talked to her sister and she got a room to host these lessons! That may not seem like a big deal but honestly... that is very hard to do and it was done in like an hour!

24 hours ago I was pissed, upset, and beyond frustrated. Now, I have faced the challenge and it worked out better for everyone. It is ironic how if you are patient but work diligently, things improve. All things really are possible but not if you don't put yourself out there. Together, marianne and I worked, and created movement. In this third world environment, that is hard to do. I am feeling much better and I see the women and culture with a different eye...

Hopefully things continue to get better. I know this was the first real challenge and won't be the last. This is still a learning experience and i pray that I continually grow as an individual as this adventure moves forward...

<3