clearing clutter

Sister sister hello! I had so much fun making this and taking this picture. I hope you can appreciate it as much as I do :)

An all boys boarding school. This was SO cool to see. The boy in the front works for the orphanage and he took us to visit his school. Was actually a VERY nice campus and really interesting to see!

Robinson.

Good Hope Primary School that I have been teaching at.

awwwww. Flansista Livin and Amina Hidaya.

The boys bustin' a move! The live show is so much more entertaining!

Got fish eyes? yummy dinner...NOT.

Skydiving! Look at that tiny plane! The guy was my tandem.

The view from the plane just minutes before I jumped! 10,000 feet above ground!

Sweet get up.

Popati and Ally celebrating their birthday.

The Art of Simplicity

"When most people think of simplicity, they think of clean closets and empty spaces, organized lives and cleared schedules. While simplicity does manifest in those forms, inner simplicity does not depend on outward circumstances. When you clear the clutter within, you'll eventually see a corresponding outer simplicity. But if you are full of chaos within, even a simple life will become littered with unfinished business and unnecessary drama. Choosing to cultivate inner simplicity helps you develop a mature way of life that has its own focus and order, even if your daily life is busy and complex.

One of the most difficult things to do is to release things, ideas, and relationships that no longer serve us. We often save every old thing. 'Just in case'. You'll open a kitchen drawer and it will be filled with clutter: old rubber bands, pieces of string, used aluminum foil, and other miscellaneous bits and pieces. That kitchen drawer is a metaphor for life. Filled with things that you keep holding on to, pretty soon the drawer is so full you can't find anything at all. Even if you could remember what you have squirreled away in that drawer, you couldn't find it to use it. So you keep the drawer with more stuff you can't use and don't need anymore.

We do that with our lives, too. Old grudges, old resentments, old attitudes, and old ways of coping--we'll keep them around because we've gotten used to them and aren't sure we'd know what to do with out them. We'll stuff an old belief system that no longer works for us into a back drawer of our minds. Because it's still in there, it will affect our choices even when we are not conscience of it. For example, you might be meeting someone new who would be labeled in the old belief system as "unacceptable" and while you might now understand that every single person is beloved and beautiful, there will be a whisper of "unacceptable" even when you are trying your best to be open and friendly. Or you'll be looking in the mirror and suddenly realize it won't be the adult your seeing, but the unhappy junior high student who felt ugly and didn't fit in. You are still carrying that old image of yourself, even though it is useless baggage that you could live without.

Old judgements, old priorities, old belief systems, old ways of doing things are all clutter that needs to be taken out and examined. If it still works for you, keep it. But if it's no longer helpful or distracts you from what is most important, maybe it's time to let it go. Some ideas and things are like timeless classics. They wear well, they're made well, and they still look good and are useful after all these years later. Others are like clothing that is out of date and which no longer fits who you are now. It's time to let it all go and make room for something that is more aligned with who you are becoming.

It's time to choose voluntarily simplicity. Paradoxically, sometimes arranging things and clearing space in your outer life can help you in the process of creating inner simplicity. The very act of sorting material things can help you sort your thoughts and priorities. Begin by releasing the things that you can no longer care for and attend to. Start with material things-cleaning closets, attics, basements, storerooms, garages. Give away or sell what could be useful to others. Put back into circulation those things which you've been holding onto. Organize what you decide to keep so you know where everything is and what is available to you.

Then, take a look at your past an see what attitudes and beliefs no longer work for you. If you've been holding grudges against others, release them. If you've been hanging onto old regrets, let go and let God take care of the past. Long-standing judgments of others and of yourself not longer serve you. Wipe the slate clean and allow God to write a new story of hope and joy where the old one of hurt and anger used to be. Limited ideas and false beliefs keep you from exploring new ideas and widening your horizons. Let go of them, just as you let go of the old clothing you gave away. Let the healing energy of forgiveness release the limitations of resentment and destructive energy from your consciousness.

As you release the old, you'll make room for the good that God wants to bring into your life. You'll discover a new energy and zest, because you wont be using all your energy to carry around old baggage. Clearing the clutter allows the energy to flow more freely, and you'll bring more focus and clarity to the way you live your life."

Simplicity is.... releasing that which no longer serves me.

Let me tell you a little about my life. Right now, I am feeling completely surrendered to the environment around me. I feel as if all this was planned for me; just like I'm a pawn on a chess board. It is a bright Saturday morning in Tanzania. The air is alive and pure after a night of warm rain. I am a solo traveler today. I woke up to laughing children and a gurgling water spout attempting to provide but miserably failing. It was a big yawn and comfortable stretch that began my serene day in the land among the Africans. Being alone is one of the most precious gifts God gave us. Especially here, it is a gratifying indulgence. Escaping the noise of orphans and entering the hustle and bustle of the town has become an easy transition. Now, I find myself with a pen, a book, and a steamy cup of coffee.

I guess coming here I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know who I was going to be, who I was going to meet, and what exactly I was going to see. Now that I am here, I do not fear the future; the past consumes much of my thought process. Some of which I wish I didn't focus on and most of which I just need to let go. Reading The Art of Simplicity was not a waste of time. I opened to the exact page that lead to my inner freedom on this lovely day. Those that know me well know that it is a constant struggle to let go and move on. I dwell on my actions, others reactions, and bluntly care too much. This chapter in my book was exactly what I needed to read and I feel it is precisely accurate; I think many people should and could apply this to their own life. Re-read it many times for more is revealed after each attempt to understand. It took me several repetitions to actually comprehend and appreciate what the lyrical text meant to me. Although it is a very simple idea, sometimes it needs to jump out you to make you consider change among yourself.

Through out most of my life I have struggled with this concept. I have learned that people come and go, trials hurt then heal, and above all, the sun still rises and sets everyday. I have wasted too much energy on worrying about others and changes I wish I had made. The truth is the past is the past; It is there to learn. I have been hurt, and hurt others. I continue to say things I shouldn't and listen to gossip that only adds negativity to my inner self. But, letting go is a bridge to self maturation and I believe is a healthy way to look behind with a grin and forward with a smile. Not only does it shape me as a better person now, but releases any irritation towards others from the past. Life takes us where we allow it, and places people on the exact longitude and latitude that fits each individual. It feels damn good to forgive myself, and forgive others.

I know this is long but unfortunately you all caught me either pmsing or just completely content with my emotional standing right now. Since my homesickness faded after Thanksgiving, I have viewed my life and the small things I am thankful for. To me and most of America, Thanksgiving is a day that I really do feel grateful for. I strive to take quiet time and simply show appreciation. This Thanksgiving was unlike any other.

Although there are many, many things I am thankful for here's just a few:

- Imre my stuffed sock monkey

- A strong family with parents still happily married

- A wise girl once said " You need to give it up in order for God to step in." - Katie Ford

(To this day Katie doesn't know that I wrote that down in my journal after a long discussion about a year ago. At that moment, it was a very profound yet simple phrase and has helped me and will continue to do so. If by small chance you are reading this, thank you Katie.)

- THE bullet

- antibacterial gel haha

- American football

- The blessing that I don't have to wonder if I will ever go with out food

- The small, innocent, dirty hands of orphans

- The stranger that just became family

- most of all, this experience and the courage that so many others have proven to me

These are just a few of my favorite things. I am very blessed, and very thankful. I wish I gave myself more quiet time solely to reflect on the wonderfu blessings in my life. Perhaps from this day forward I can make that a goal and not wait for the next national holiday designated holiday to being thankful.

A quick wrap-up to my adventures. Tonight is my LAST NIGHT AT GOOD HOPE. I can hardly believe how quick time has gone. It is a bitter sweet ending! In the morning I am going to Living Water Childrens Orphanage. I will be there until December 11. Then, I am going to Zanzibar and then home! I can't believe its only a little over 3 weeks! I am still encountering very odd, humerous, adventures and feel like I could write a book after all this. I look forward to my return and sharing everything to who ever will listen!

I hope America is well and THANKFUL.

"The depth of one's letting go determines the depth of one's freedom."

-Karen Goldman

turkey turkey turkey

Happy Turkey day! I knew there would be times when I felt the most homesick. Thanksgiving is definitely one of them. I miss being home and playing turkey football! Everyone eat some stuffing for me because my cuisine is not quite the same!

So today was a very cool day! I went to the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda! The Rwanda genocide herrings are held in Arusha so we went and sat in on them! You sit behind a glass and listen through headphones fro the interpretations but you can see everything going on. Its really very interesting that these trials are STILL running and will continue to for a long time! to be honest, it was really hard to follow along because it is all confusing but still... it was cool! I wish I wasn't ADD because I could have stayed longer but... i could only take so much.

I moved beds! No more top bunk from satan anymore! I know that means nothing to you but you have no idea how much better my sleep is. I can actually get up in the middle of the night to pee! Its great! too bad I only have about 4 nights left at Good Hope but still...

Lets see what else? This weekend we are going to a Christmas market??? I'm actually really excited to see but a bit skeptical. IT is really strange because I am used to Christmas being cold. It is summertime here so it doesn't feel like the holiday season!

To Be honest I don't really feel like writing so I will continue this later. I'm thinking of all the things I am thankful for and it is really refreshing to think about. There is SO much that I never give enough credit for and spending quiet time just on gratitude feels wonderful.

Sorry about the lame-o blog... hopefully next time it will be better!!!

"I am only one, but I am one.

I cannot do everything, but i can do somthing.

And, I will not let what I cannot do

interfere with what I can do."

I'm one happy camper

A kitchen party. This is the night before a woman gets married. Apparently they teach the bride how to "go to bed" but I didn't see any of that. It's really strange. The bride NEVER smiled the whole time.

Meet Bakari. We call me Popati which means rough. He's lovable but VERY rough.

Children at Living Water driving in th dala dala.

Grubbin' with my hands. Sexy!

My old host mama.

Living Water Kids again.

I was SO sweaty but this is the handsome Juma.

Juma and Swaifi just being kids :)

The stunning water fall at Kilimanjaro.

You know you are in Africa when you have to push the daladala.

My maasai friends!

The infamous goat that I ate at the wedding!

He's precious.

Ninafuraha.

Good Afternoon America! This week has been pretty casual but still good. I actually only taught one day this week and the rest of the time I was at home helping Saum. I was SUPPOSED to go on my safari but a bunch of BS happened with the company so I never went. SO frustrating. But, I did plan my trip to Zanzibar which is SO exciting! Hopefully I'll come home with a sweet tan!

So this week Bakari (the little one in the close up picture) ripped his pants at school. He forgot to wear underwear and he ran all the way home with his bum hanging out. I didn't see it but heard it was hilarious. These kids are SO dang cute.

Yesterday, I went to the goat market. How I was leered into that I still have no idea...never again! Actually it was good to see once but still, very bizarre. Not to be graphic but the male goat anatomy is a sight I wish I never saw. Saggy water balloons is a perfect visual! Not to mention they way they crap...looks painful. hahaha sorry i know I'm crude by my goodness people! While you are watching, smelling, hearing, and "admiring" the goat, they serve you chunks of goat meat on a platter. After my wedding experience, I am so OVER goat. I was never into but now its really over. Also, when it starts getting dark the mosquitoes come out. And, there is no such thing as electricity at the goat market. Walking blind among god knows what is an adventure in itself. It involved a lot of laughing, tripping, and slight anxiety.

This is my last week at Good Hope. The thought of saying goodbye to these 9 kids kills me. My heart is so attached and its going to hurt :( I go to Living Water for 2 weeks then Zanzibar for my last week. I cannot believe I only have one month left. I have been here for 7 weeks! I can't believe how fast time has gone by!!!

Well, I'm in a rush so I need to go. Enjoy the pics! There are so many better ones but lots of them don't load. These are all old so hopefully soon I can post skydiving and all that jazzy stuff. I hope everyone is enjoying there week! Thinking about Thanksgiving coming up makes me super homesick!!!

Love to you all!

What's going to happen is going to happen.
You can't stop the rain.

i'm addicted to adventure.

Yesterday was one of the most exhilarating, liberating, and adventurous days in my whole life. I have always wanted to go skydiving and I finally did! Check mark on my list of things to do before I die. Let me tell you, everyone should jump!

So, I was pretty freaking nervous starting. Honestly, I was more stoked than scared. I never was actually afraid which shocked me! Mike (the other volunteer) and I went. The bus to Moshi was about 2 hours long... it only created more anticipation! The company picked us up at the bus station and we were off! It was pretty surreal. Since this is something I have always dreamed off, I couldn't believe that sooner than later, the rush of actually completing it was going to happen. It was awesome.

Mike went first. Only one jumper at one time in this dinky little plane. Seriously, it looked like a toy plane. No seats besides the pilot, just enough room to barely squeeze three people in the back. Two staff jump at a time but only one is strapped to you. I watched Mike land and I was soooo excited! I never felt unsafe or unsure. I never once gave it a second thought; I was determined and simply ready! I put on my jump suit which is quite possibly the most unflattering get up I have ever worn! The funniest part was my "i love dad" pajama pants that I had to wear. I did laundry the day before and literally everything was soaked besides my pj's that say I love dad all over them. I had no choice and it was hilarious! Anyhoo, then I wore this funny looking hat. You really do not care; i actually felt pretty diver hip!

Taking off my stomach was in knots. I could not stop smiling! The staff were so cool and made you feel so safe. It took about 20 minutes to reach the jumping point. 10,000 feet in the air. There was a meter thing that measured when to stop. It goes to 10, we were at 1 when I though we should stop. My tandem started laughing at me! The whole 20 minutes I was just in awe. I was never hesitant, just super anxious. The view was stunning. Mt. Kilimanjaro was mostly covered in clouds but it was still spectacular...

My tandem started repeating to me what we had already rehearsed on the ground. I completely blanked and starting getting a little like ah... ok! After a few minutes the door flew open. That was the worst part of the whole dive. You can feel the air and my heart was pounding soooooo fast. The videographer literally climbed underneath the wing of the plane and just hung there. He looked at me and gave me a devious smile. You know he was thinking mu hahahah! My tandem and i scooted to the edge and my legs were just dangling! The ground was just green and brown squares. All my senses were on over load. My whole body was just like ahhhhh!!! Then we jumped!!! Let me tell you...

IT WAS EUPHORIC!

I previously asked my tandem to do some flips and spins so we did! It was incredible. We free falled for about 35 seconds at 120 MPH. INSANE! All you can see in open skies, clouds, blue, green. I felt like Rose in Titanic when she opens her arms on the front of the boat, only better. It went by so fast! He pulled the chute and it was soooo relaxing. My adrenaline was still to the max and I hadn't peed my pants so I was good to go. It was like I was flying. He let me hold the parachute. It was so liberating. I felt like I could do anything and go anywhere! It was far different than anything I have ever experienced. Fear was never involved; only pure satisfaction.

Landing was so easy. The tandem does all the work! I was kinda hoping to have some really intense land but it was so easy! He said put your legs up. Then stand. All the sudden I was back on solid ground. The first thing that I said was "Let's do it again!".

I highly advise anyone and everyone to do this. It has become my new obsession. I talked the staff about how to get trained! Ironically, one of the guys had worked in Vegas... how strange! I am seriously looking into becoming a professional diver; perfect weekend and summer job. I can only do the video though because I am too small to be a tandem. But, they travel all over the world and do this. It would pay for my travel addiction, and I would be paid to jump. I can't think of anything better! It's a far ambition but completely doable. After this trip, I feel like anything is possible...

This leads me to a whole new topic and goals. Before my trip, i was lost. I had no real ambition to do anything and felt like I had no direction. Knowing that, I felt pretty desperate to figure it out. I had high hopes in my self discovery and I am slowing finding answers. I have discovered how important being independent is; knowing that you can accomplish things alone is very motivating. I really want to be a elementary school teacher. I know its alot of work but I believe if you are passionate about children, you can learn to love it and make such a difference. Also, traveling is my number one. And I have learned that you don't have to be rich to travel. I'm a struggling college student but still managed to save for this amazing trip. Who says I can't do it again? By the time I am 30, I want to have my masters and PHD. I know it seems extreme, but I am a changed woman and I KNOW I can do it. I am in no rush. MY career is not my only ambition. I think that society pressures this age group to get an education ASAP and find a job, husband, and start a family. As this is a goal of mine, I am in NO rush. I feel like I am learning so much and I refuse to look back and say I wish I would have enjoyed the opportunity when I had it.

Honestly, I KNOW I will never stop this lifestyle. Even when I do have a family and a career. Knowing that this is my passion, nothing will stop me and I don't think anything should. It is possible to share this with my kids and husband but still have a career and everything that I desire. The only person that used to tell me I couldn't was myself. Now that I have proved myself wrong, I am addicted. I feel alive and I never want that to change. A door has been opened and will never shut. I feel like I understand life so much better; actually, I understand Katie. I don't think I really knew who Katie was and now I do. Now, I know that I want to do and how to do it. SO, traveling and learning is something that I will forever do. I will be the family that works hard but plays hard. I've learned how important that is and can't wait to share this with someone else.

I want to share it with everyone. I know everyone doesn't have the same ambitions and goals as me, but I think many people are driven by fear. Fear of failure; I know I was and I still do but I'm allowing myself to face them and it is liberating. I can't describe the satisfaction I have received by just letting myself live. Its hard to believe that I was unhappy...

I hope all these blogs don't come across like I am some saint or some philosophical, dreamer like achiever. I don't write these to hear others compliment it; I write these because my heart tells me too. (sounds cheesy but true! ) I can't express the passion I have gained; more than that I can't express the strong desire that I want others to feel this way too. I want nothing more than to hear someone else say these same words. I truly am humbled and feel very blessed. Finally, regarding my ambitions, I don't care about what anyone thinks; I only pray that others can reach that same point. Life is way too short to not live it.

Dance while you can.

yUo R my hApiNes.

Not to much to share but I am uploading pictures and a video. Lets pray that it works!!! This week has been pretty busy but I am still sick. I have pink eye and diarrhea! Ewwwww i know. It sucks soooo bad. I went to the doctor today and got some meds so hopefully all will be good soon. VERY SOON. ha. I actually wrote a really stupid poem but i left it at home so I can't post it yet. To be continued regarding the diarrhea!

So, this weekend I am going skydiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH! I am so excited but terrified. We were supposed to go tomorrow but because of my lousy condition, we are stalling the extravaganza. The jump is over Mt. Kilimanjaro. For those that don't know about it google it. It is a place that people travel from all over the world just to climb. Since I am not brave enough to climb it, i figured I would jump out of a plane over instead. Pray for me!! I can't wait!

Next Friday is my safari. Lots of exciting things are happening! This trip is amazing because I get to love on kids, but also explore Africa. I really feel like i live here. Although I miss certain things, I think I could actually call this place home. Not likely but at least I'm comfortable :)

I'm trying to load more pictures but this is Africa and everything is v e r y s l o w. Hopefully the video plays. The adorable little creature is Saidi. He's the most lovable child on earth. I really wish I could take him home with me. It is so close up because he was sitting on my lap... I also couldn't edit it so its sideways! Sorry!

Recently, I was asked what the best gift is that I have ever recieved. It took me days to come up with an answer. As the holiday season is coming up, I found it fitting to dicuss it. Not what my best gift was, but the importance of meaningful possessions. Not once did I consider anything that cost a large amount of money. Not clothes, i-pod, or material items. I had never really put a lot of thought into it but I was really refreshing; very humbling. Again, it made me realize things that are really important in life. Like this person did for me, I challenge all of you reading this to analyze your favorite gift. The one that made a bad day turn good, a dry season flourish with rain. As Christmas rolls around encourage one another with gifts that will last longer than the new fashion trend; eternal gifts that make a life long impression.

I can't wait to tell you about the skydiving. Hope all is well. i miss YOU.

"If you don't live for now, then now you are not living."

People often wait to do things they really want to do, say things they meant to say, and search for a better opportunity. Start now; do not wait. Its like Home Alone (Ithink?). He had new skates and didn't want to wear them and ruin them. By the time he wanted to, they no longer fit. Don't wait, otherwise, the skate may never fit.

<3

nakupenda <3

First off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE AND JILLY! I miss you girls and wish I could celebrate with you!!!!!!!

I wasn't prepared to write a blog today but I have some extra time so I figured I might jot a few thoughts down. Life is going pretty well this week. I was sick.. again which really, really sucks. I am feeling better as of right now so lets hope it lasts! I have also been really really busy. We changed the schedule at the orphanage so i have been teaching every other day. On the off days, we help around the house. WE cook, scrub, dust, hand wash laundry, EVERYTHING. I am drained! I have learned to cook some African food; unfortunately, it doesn't taste very good so its not much to be proud of. Anyone interested in eating with their hands and not enjoying the food.. I'd be happy to cook for you!

I'm having serious brain farts. I can't think of things to say!

I did have lots of quiet time this week which was very pleasant. It has been a LONG time that I have actually been alone. We have a male volunteer that sleeps in the outside room. There is lots of space in there so when he is out, I take advantage of the other room. I never realized how important it was to have alone time. True peace and quiet. The room is very dirty, old, and kind of cell like haha but, ironically it has been the most peaceful place of all.

I forgot to mention that I carried cow poop in a bag on my head. I was hands and feet covered in cow poop. YUMMY! ha. Living Water orphanage has a vegetable garden and we were helping fertilize or something. Somehow I got pulled into helping and well.. it was a sick yet delightful adventure! Next time, I get the honor of milking the cows.. can't wait! hahaha. I have never seen kids so happy to play with poop. It was very ironic because it was right around Halloween in the states. Kids there are receiving candy, and kids here are shoveling fly infested feces. They were overjoyed though. They had so much fun and were laughing while literally crumbling up poop chunks and tossing it where ever necessary. It was a very humbling moment. As much as I missed Halloween, it made me really realize things that REALLY matter in life.

oh! And I had my first hot shower! it was the best thing in the universe. It was a tease though because who knows when i will get the next one!

Life is good..that's for sure. I feel sooo blessed to be alive, happy, and simply just figuring it out. I heard some devastating news that left me trembling. Rest in peace to all the victims of the recent shooting in Reno. Words cannot even express how much my heart aches for the witnesses, family, friends, EVERYONE. I hate violence and I really just don't understand it. I must admit i have been dealing with some survivors guilt since I have heard the news. I am very blessed and cannot express the sympathy I have for everyone involved. Life is just too short for tragic things like this...

Well, I hope all is well with everyone and anyone reading this. I am so used to this lifestyle that I almost forget what life at home is like. I miss you all. I hope you are finding joy in the simple things in life. Take a deep breath and realize how special YOU are.

God Bless your life today.

"It is OK to question yourself. In fact, are you living the life that you want to live???"

Do not fear yourself.

<3 kates